Well, I do have some ideas. I just can’t get the first line.
I thought Mia had suggested a first line?
Yes, she did.
Tried. Nothing happened.
No blinding flash of light? No muse tapping at the window?
You’re my muse. And you’re about as much help as a dry baloney sandwich.
It’s Woman’s Day. I’m on holiday. I was having coffee with my friend Motivation.
You’re supposed to be at my beck and call.
I’m here aren’t I?
Well, you’re not being much help.
Oh please. Alright, seeing as you interrupted my coffee date, let’s do this. Motivation, by the way, is not happy with you. You’re going to have to grovel a bit next time you need her. So, what were these ideas you had?
Okay, well there was the suffragette thing, the cave-man club salesman, the group of single dads, the judges taking matters into their own hands and the teenagers deciding whether or not to let the new boy into the science club only to discover he’s an alien.
And the problem is? It doesn’t sound like a lack of ideas but rather too many. Pick one. Stop whining about it and start writing.
TWO DAYS LATER
So, how’s it going?
Don’t tell me you still haven’t written the story yet. For Pete’s sake, it’s only seven hundred and fifty words!
I know, right? It should be a doddle. I’ve been so stressed. Work’s a bitch right now.
It’s never stopped you before.
I’ve also been sick for a while. Give me a break.
No. Nothing has stopped you before. Snap out of it and WRITE!
Fine. On your own head be it.
TWO WEEKS LATER
You do know you have to upload this story in a week, don’t you?
I’m busy. Go away.
You’re watching a re-run of The Big Bang Theory. You’ve seen this episode before. Twice!
SIX DAYS LATER
Tomorrow. You have to upload the story tomorrow.
You’re an idiot.
Thank you very much.
So, how’s that story coming along.
I need coffee.
We only have tea. Have you had breakfast yet? You know you can’t function without breakfast.
That’ll take too much time! I have to write this and I’ve only got four hundred and twenty one words down.
Well, that’s now…four hundred and thirty more than you had before. At least you’ve made a start.
True. And I am hungry. But I’ll have to wash the dishes first.
You’re kind of half way there.
Dishes or story?
Story, you plonker.
Okay, okay. Bit snippy this morning, are we?
Eat and write. Don’t talk to me till then.
HALF AN HOUR LATER
Three egg omelette and tea.
That’ll do. Now, where were you?
Bemoaning my fate.
You’re always bemoaning your fate. It’s nearly twelve o’clock. Get on with it. I want to see a couple of variations of first lines in ten minutes.
TEN MINUTES LATER
Um… If only he could keep it together, it might just work. As long as no one sneezed.
“I suppose you’re wondering why I called you here.”
Sheesh. How about, “So John,” said Peter. “I see you’ve brought the rug rats with you.”
“Yes, but do we really want to go to gentlemen’s clubs?” “That’s not the point, Amanda” snapped Miss Grizwald. “This is about the vote!”
Okaaaay. Might have potential. Next.
That’s it. Apart from the bemoaning my fate bit.
Well, you’ve got a start at least.
Yes but…hang on, phone’s ringing. Hello?
THREE MINUTES LATER
Of course. Goodbye.
And…who was that?
The client. Wants to know where that website copy is.
When was it due?
Seriously? Like yesterday-yesterday? For real?
How much is there still to do?
A fair amount.
You haven’t started have you?
I HAVE. It’s just…not finished yet. What are you doing?
This is no longer my problem. I’m handing you over.
NO! You can’t do that.
Just did, sweetie.
Noooooo! Please don’t call-
GOT YOUR CALL. WHAT’S UP?
She is. Finally. But this is more than I can handle, Motivation. Take over.
I HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW.
Welcome to the club. She’s all yours. I’m going back to bed.